Domestic violence in heterosexual or homosexual relationships Domestic Abuse and Violence against Men
Jorge Yeshayahu Gonzales-Lara.
|Jorge Yeshayahu Gonzales-Lara. |
Sociologist MA. CASAC-T
• Physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (neglect); and economic deprivation. Domestic violence may or may not constitute a crime, depending on local statues, se-verity and duration of specific acts, and other variables. Alcohol consumption and
mental illnesshave frequently been associated with abuse.
• Calls you names, insults you or puts you down• Prevents you from going to work or school• Stops you from seeing family members or friends• Tries to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear• Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful• Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs• Threatens you with violence or a weapon• Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets• Assaults you while you're sleeping, drunk or not paying attention to make up for a difference in strength• Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will• Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it• You may also be experiencing domes-tic violence if you're in a same-sex relationship with a man who:• Threatens to tell friends, family, colleagues or community members your sexual orientation or gender identity• Tells you that authorities won't help a homosexual, bisexual or transgender person• Tells you that leaving the relationship means you're admitting that homosexual relationships are deviant• Tells you that abuse is a normal part of homosexual relationships or that domestic violence can't occur in homo-sexual relationships• Justifies abuse by telling you that you're not "really" homosexual, bisexual or transgender• Says that men are naturally violent• Portrays the violence as mutual and consensual• Rationalizes the abuse as part of a sadomasochistic activity
(1) May be ashamed to come forward;(2) May not be believed; and(3) May be accused of being a batterer when they do come forward.
• The incidence of domestic violence against men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates.• It has taken years of advocacy and sup-port to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse.• The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so un-thinkable to most people that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.• The counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women. Not enough has been done to stop abuse against women. There has been very little investment in resources to ad-dress the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men.• In most cases, the actual physical dam-age inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others.• Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished, men usually end up feeling like nobody would believe them. It is widely assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or while playing contact sports. Women generally don't do those things.
• Alcohol Abuse. Alcohol abuse is a major cause and trigger in domestic violence. People, who are intoxicated have less impulse control, are easily frustrated, have greater misunderstandings and are generally prone to resort to violence as a solution to problems. Women who abuse men are frequently alcoholics.• Psychological Disorders. There are certain psychological problems, primarily personality disorders, in which women are characteristically abusive and violent toward men. Borderline personality disorder is a diagnosis that is found almost exclusively with women. Approximately 1 to 2 percent of all women have a Borderline Personality disorder. At least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with woman who has a Borderline Personality disorder. The disorder is also associated with suicidal behavior, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and alcohol abuse.• Unrealistic expectations, assumptions and conclusions. Women who are abusive toward men usually have unrealistic expectations and make unrealistic demands of men. These women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they attribute to a man's behavior. In fact, their mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, and trauma during childhood or even withdrawal from alcohol. They blame men rather than admit their problems, take responsibility for how they live their lives or do something about how they make themselves miserable. They refuse to enter treatment and may even insist the man needs treatment. Instead of helping themselves, they blame a man for how they feel and believe that a man should do something to make them feel better. They will often medicate their emotions with alcohol. When men can't make them feel better, these women become frustrated and assume that men are doing this on purpose.
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